How to Deal With a Jealous and Possessive Friendship

 How to Deal With a Jealous and Possessive Friendship

Throughout your life you come across different types of personalities, people and groups. You choose a select few to share your inner thoughts with, to be there with you on this journey of life and to understand you like your family never could. You Tweet one another, you go to the mall together, you chat on Skype, you hang out at school, you eat lunch together and you share your deepest, darkest secrets with the one person that will never, ever judge you. One day, you wake up and realize that this is what a best friend feels like. Many have referred to this epiphany as “the soul mate moment”. Unfortunately, after a few months, the friendship doesn’t have the same oil it had earlier. Your best friend becomes possessive, stalker-like and conniving. You feel hurt. Why did he/she become a different person all of a sudden?

It’s called the green-eyed monster in modern day vernacular. You remember how children on the playground always taunted, “Jealousy makes you nasty”? Yes, your friend has become jealous. He/she wants you all to him/herself and in order to achieve this, your friend turns on you and the friendship collapses like a poorly construed plot in a horror film. Psychologists believe that jealousy is actually a primordial instinct that’s been around for centuries. According to an article on Oprah.com, “Throughout our primordial past it discouraged desertion by a mate, bolstering the family unit and enabling the survival of the young. At the same time, it has pushed us to abandon philanderers—and many a futile match—in favor of more stable and rewarding partnerships.” See? Your friend is basically, at his/her core, terrified of desertion. Does this make your friend a bad person? Not necessarily so, but what makes the relationship toxic is the overly possessive nature of a jealous friend. He/she will smother you until there is nothing more left in you to smother. He/she will eat your life like a hungry wolf in search of constant prey. It is not a very healthy relationship, nor is it beneficial to your life.

What do you do? Do you dessert your friend? Do you pack up and leave? In most cases, yes, but yes and no are always the easiest answers. Psychologists believe that a jealous friend/BF/GF/WTF should be held accountable for his/her actions and it should be brought to their attention that what they’re doing is unhealthy and counterproductive. If they do not listen and continue to take control of your life, get out immediately – true friends do not own you, they merely exist alongside you.

A jealous friend can be an extremely dangerous force in your life. He/she will always attempt to take control of everything you do and decide which people you’re “allowed” to hang out with. Take a drop of wisdom from Celeb Teen Laundry and remember – you decide who you need in your life, no-one else is allowed to decide for you. If your jealous friend acts out again, ensure that you make the correct decision and stick to it.

Let us know in the comments if you’ve ever had a jealous friend and how you dealt with it.

18 Comments
  1. carlin says

    what you’re describing sounds a LOT like one of my friends……………………………………… -_-

    1. Katie says

      This is my best friend right now! Its beyond toxic ive tried escaping her but she wont let me go ive tried everything i can thing of…its really unhealthy for me especially since i have struggled with crippling anxiety so this situation is horrific PLEASE SOMEONE HELP

  2. Moof says

    I have this one friend and we used to have so much fun with each other. But those days are OVER! There is this other friend and the friend I previously wrote about thinks my other friend is stealing me(hogging me and taking me all to herself) Ugh.
    We have fights almost every single day and I used to hardly cry ever but now I shed tears a lot ! And you know what? I think they are both too possesive

  3. Jura says

    Yes I have a friend like that. I told her its not healthy what she is doing and she didn’t listen, what can I do? I need to get out of that friendship now.

    1. Katie says

      Thats me rn! She believes that only her opinion is right and NO ONE should have a different opinion then her so trying to get out of this toxic relationship is a pain in the ass and seems impossible…what did you do in the end?

  4. Em says

    This describes my used to be bestfriend. She constantly got very angry if I were to hangout out with anyone else. If I hung out with another friend or talked about them at all she got really mad and told me that she felt as though I was ignoring her and didn’t wanna be her friend. We hung out every weekend and sometimes after school. But when I wanted to just hangout at my house by myslef she again got very upset. When got into a fight she always said that she felt like she was being ignored and was afraid that I didn’t like her. Things got ridiculous and she was mad anytime I went or did ANYTHING without her. It always made me so confused. She hungout with other people and and talked about them constantly so why couldn’t I have other fiends. When she hungput with someone else she made sure to tell me all about it and try to make me jealous. Being friends with her was so difficult but in the emd I always stayed friends with her because the good times we had were great and she was my bestfriend. I just don’t understand why she was so jealous and possessive I think this helps a little.

  5. Jess says

    what Em is saying describes my best friend to a T she’s almost become controlling of who I hang out with saying I don’t care about her and whenever she gets a boyfriend and he dumps her her life is magically over and she threatens suicide every time. It’s getting to the point where I don’t want to hear about it and I’m tired of her

  6. Christina says

    I have a good friend. She is my roommate as well. We have go through all the happiness together. But past few week I noticed that she eagerly started to control my routine. Force to get rest days together with her and claim wanna spend time with me only. At the same time she ignore other friends. Talking bad about my BF and claim tat she doing all of this for my happiness. I was confused with her current attitude.

  7. Audrey says

    I am this friend. My best bud recently got a boyfriend and she’s obsessed with him. She doesn’t spend as much time with me as with him and it drives me crazy. No one has known every ounce of my being like she does and I don’t want to be replaced. It kills me how a temporary asset such as a boyfriend can put me down the ranks. She’s already left me once and we’ve reunited, I don’t want to lose her again.

    1. Hannah says

      I’m in a similar position-I have a best friend who I’ve known since uni and we used to hang out a lot together and became very close since we shared the same accommodation together. However, I used to get upset when she chatted with other people or didn’t want to hang out with me and it happened yesterday at a group meeting (we met as part of a support group at uni) where I cried because she didn’t speak to me first and it made me feel less important. Like you, I don’t want to lose her because I’m now at risk of this happening if I do it again.

  8. Raniya says

    I don’t know, I had this guy friend who was supposedly my best friend but things turned out nasty. As days passed by, he called me to join him at his apartment. I didn’t go and we had a very bad fight. Although iIknow what “chilling and Shit” means and how fooling around turns out to be bad mistake. I thought over it a lot. I did the right thing, right?

  9. Law says

    My girlfriends friend has destroyed all her relationship and tempts to destroy us. She tell my girlfriend that she is not allowed to call me or talk to me when she is around. If my girlfriend as me to do something for her…like massage her feet. Her girl friend rolls her eyes and walk off…then she baggers my girlfriend saying…he is taking you from me…she wants to do my girlfriends feet…then she says I do it better than him don’t I. If my girlfriend says no he is better. Her best friend cries, gets very angery, yells and screams.

    I spoke to my girlfriends friend about sd ome of the thing i heard her making up to my girlfriends brother that was not true. She start crying and screaming, I am jealous and envy of her, every guy likes her, I haven’t had but 2 boy friends, it’s not fare.

    My girlfriends friend started her time of the month and she could not go in the swing pool…she told my girlfriend if I can’t go in the pool you can. My girl friend gone in the pool and her best friend came unravelled.

    If any guy approached my girl friend prior to me meeting her…her best friend would go nuts.

    My girlfriend friend pushes my girl friend to points she wants to give up or stop living, but my girlfriend still keeps her around, because her friend says everybody leaves me.

    My girlfriends friend will not leave the house, so she can stick under my girlfriend and to try to block me out.

    My girlfriends friend has her own condo…and was just supposed to live with my girlfriend for 3 month, but she rented her condo out to someone else and never left.

    My girlfriends told her friend…if you don’t want me calling or talking to my boyfriend when your around…then when I am with him…yiu can’t call me or talk to me and I will not return your text. My girlfriends friend started screaming Why? And crying.

    My girl friends friend recently brought her other car to my girl friend house…and where I park she start taking that spot and parking her other car at end of drive way…instead of pulling up son I can park in the yard…when each spot yiu can park 3 cars.

    I told my girl friend why don’t we confront her as a couple when she is making up lies…my girlfriend told her we all should talk…she refused and said all its going to do is upset me…so when I come around…she hides out in her room. And the following day…on the drive to work she torchers my girlfriend verbally.

    My girl friend has gotten very angery at her…and all she do is cry claiming my girlfriend is choose me over her, but they spend a lot of time together.

    She trys to touch my girlfriend in uncomfortable ways…she tries to going in the bathroom a lot when my girlfriend shows or number 2. My girlfriend feels uncomfortable.

    Lately, she brought my girlfriend a coca cola and my girlfriend could not drink it…it’s tasted very strange…my girlfriend questioned her about it. She said she go the pop from another friends house and that her other friends brother do harion and may have done something to the pop.

    But I don’t buy it. My girlfriend makes excuses to protect her friends acts…no matter how many people are warning her that something is not right with her friend. Co. Workers have seen it and others and thinks my girlfriends friend what’s her sexual, but knows she can’t have her like that and they think my girlfriend is toxic and could become dangerous.

    1. zaynah shahid says

      that seems pretty bad!

  10. Anonymous says

    I am literally scared of my bestfriend. Just recently I started forming some type of anxiety towards her. It’s not that she’s a bad friend, but it’s when she doesn’t get things her way, she gets furious. She has anger issues as well. So as a friend, I always try to avoid arguments with her, and when we do get into one, she ignores me, says hurtful things, and then I’m ALWAYS the one who has to say sorry. I feel like such a kissass, it’s like she has power over me. And I’m not the type to say how I feel, I keep a lot to myself. It’s like I want to stop being friends with her, but I can’t because I’ll feel like shit. The past month has been the worst tho, I can’t eat well, I’m constantly worried that if I do something without her knowing, she’ll get mad at me. Or if I do something she doesn’t like. And the shittiest part is that I can’t get this anxious/worried feeling out of me. I mainly feel it in my stomach. But idk what’s going on. Idk what to do. Im helpless. I don’t wanna be the one who calls off the friendship, because I truly do care for her. And I don’t want her ever mad at me…. Im going crazy. Anyone in the same situation??? Probably not…:/

    1. Saleh G says

      You really should speak to your parents immediately, they can help!

    2. Anonymous says

      My best friend is the same way. When we’re okay everything feels so perfect but then thenter slightest thing will tick her off. She’s possessive as hell and she just just doesn’t want me to share anything with my other friends. She says everything is our stuff and I can’t talk like that with anyone else. The constant fighting and then apologising is getting too much now . I do care for her a lot. Just don’t know what to do.

  11. Anonymous spotted leaf says

    I used to have a friend that would always be there for me when I needed it. But then she moved and we just lost touch and it’s hard for us to talk.
    So I got a new friend and she was always a little rude and sassy, but I dealt with it. She liked to talk about boys, she liked to gossip, but I SERIOUSLY do not like gossip. I like cold, solid facts. She made a new “friend group” out of people she liked. But then said that she “needed space” and really hurt me. But THEN, she just became too much and started to disrespect my culture and family. So we had to force her to stay away from our “group.” So I left her, and while I was in that friendship I had another close friend. So I just became closer with her. But she is WAY too over protective… she’s loyal- but she’s overly loyal! She’s very controlling and is an introvert and slight pessimist, but I’m an extrovert and usually very optimistic. I’m not saying we can’t get along because of that- it’s just that I have a lot of “close friends” and “best friends” but she gets jealous if I talk about anyone too much. And one time I was talking to a friend for only a while and she started crying. I don’t know how to handle this.
    She’s very sensitive and I would hate to hurt anyone, but she’s just too much.
    I feel like her cons out weigh her pros… but I don’t want to just leave her. I feel like if I do, I might make a mistake and then I can’t talk to her. I still want to be friends with her, but she has to understand that I love to socialize and that I love community. She just doesn’t get it. So now every year I have to have two birthdays, one for her group of friends that she’s comfortable with, and one for people I can actually hang around with. She also talks about how she doesn’t like our peers and how she loves the grown adults and she rambles on and on about them. And sometimes she can be a bit too much and just starts going crazy and trying to be funny. I sort of feel like she’s trying to be normal and be like her peers. But since she has so many lessons and teachers and private coaches she gets easily attached to people way older than her! I don’t want to hurt her, but she’s too mature, too over protective, and gossips too much. And again, I HATE GOSSIP. I really see no point in it! I really miss my old friend, but we can’t see each other. I just want them to understand me. But they really can’t. They really just can’t. I don’t know anymore, maybe I’m just be dramatic.

  12. any says

    i think i am the only one here who is from other category… yes i am a possessive friend what she thinks…. but actually the case is, she do not clarify the things & tell me reasons after the fight and i get confused n the so called doubt taking behavior takes the charge… i hope the auther and the guys here should try to understand this point of view too…

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